Self-validation is crucial for emotional health, allowing individuals to accept their feelings, thoughts, and needs without judgment. By nurturing oneself with compassion and understanding, one can alleviate self-criticism and foster a healthier relationship with emotions, ultimately leading to better life choices and reduced emotional reactivity.
In This Article
- What are the challenges of self-criticism?
- How does self-validation work?
- What are the steps for practicing self-validation?
- How can self-validation be applied in daily life?
- What are the potential risks of neglecting self-compassion?
The Power of Self-Validation in Emotional Well-Being
by Julie M. Simon
Step 1. Express Unconditional Acceptance of Internal Experiences
Many of us fear that accepting ourselves unconditionally translates into giving up and giving in to our own mediocrity, allowing ourselves to eat anything we want, anytime, and to stay on the couch watching our favorite movies all day. We fear that if we’re too kind and accepting of ourselves, we’ll just buy bigger clothes while the needle on the scale moves higher. We believe that our self-criticism and self-rejection are keeping us motivated.
Actually, the opposite is true. Self-rejection and self-criticism trigger both hopelessness and powerlessness. These states are not motivating: instead they lead to depression, isolation, resignation, apathy, and emotional eating.
Self-acceptance does not represent resignation, because it is not a matter of giving up. Rather, it is an act of giving. You give yourself the gift of kindness and compassion, which is at the core of any loving relationship. You give yourself the acknowledgment and acceptance that you did not receive enough of as a child.
In this first step of self-validation, our Inner Nurturer uses kind, loving, compassionate phrases to reassure our feeling self that the feelings, needs, and thoughts we are experiencing are acceptable and valid. It’s important that we remind ourselves every day that it’s okay to feel all of our feelings, and that it’s okay to have needs and to struggle with self-defeating thoughts.
Step 2. Offer Understanding of Internal Experiences
It’s natural for us, even as adults, to seek understanding from others. Life can be confusing and challenging at times. It feels comforting and calming to get feedback that what we’re experiencing is normal and makes sense. Feeling understood is a powerful experience, and it strengthens our resilience and helps us access our willingness to persevere.
We must also be capable of giving to ourselves the understanding that we seek from others. The truth is, you are in the best position to offer yourself the understanding you yearn for — you know what you’re going through and what you need better than anyone else. And you have a kind, loving, and wise voice within that is instantly available to offer you understanding.
In this second step, your Inner Nurturer reminds you that not only is it acceptable to feel any feeling, have any need, and think any thought, but that all of your feelings, needs, and thoughts are understandable as well.
Step 3. Notice Any Changes in Your Emotions and Bodily Sensations
Pay attention to how you feel when you offer yourself unconditional acceptance and understanding of your internal experiences. Keep in mind that when you’re first practicing self-validation, it may not be all that comforting or soothing. You’re new to using your Inner Nurturer voice, and it still feels awkward. Truth be told, you’d prefer to have someone else offer you acceptance and understanding, and that’s understandable too!
Keep up your practice. Over time, you’ll find that your Inner Nurturer is your most trusted, accessible, and reliable source of validation. It’s a powerful feeling to know that you can offer yourself the support and care you need without having to turn to external sources or substances.
Validation is a gift you give yourself, especially when you’re feeling bad about your actions. By reminding yourself that all feelings and behaviors make sense in a given context, you make it okay to make mistakes. Self-validation is a compassionate act, and it leads to acceptance and forgiveness.
Copyright ©2018 by Julie M. Simon.
Reprinted with permission from New World Library
www.newworldlibrary.com.
Article Source
When Food Is Comfort: Nurture Yourself Mindfully, Rewire Your Brain, and End Emotional Eating
by Julie M. Simon
If you regularly eat when you’re not truly hungry, choose unhealthy comfort foods, or eat beyond fullness, something is out of balance. When Food Is Comfort presents a breakthrough mindfulness practice called Inner Nurturing, a comprehensive, step-by-step program developed by an author who was herself an emotional eater. You’ll learn how to nurture yourself with the loving-kindness you crave and handle stressors more easily so that you can stop turning to food for comfort. Improved health and self-esteem, more energy, and weight loss will naturally follow.
Click here for more info and/or to order this book.
About the Author
Julie M. Simon, MA, MBA, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach with more than twenty-seven years of experience helping overeaters stop dieting, heal their relationships with themselves and their bodies, lose excess weight, and keep it off. She is the author of The Emotional Eater’s Repair Manual and the founder of the popular Twelve-Week Emotional Eating Recovery Program. For more information and inspiration, visit Julie's website at www.overeatingrecovery.com.
Article Recap
Practicing self-validation involves acknowledging and accepting one's feelings without judgment, which can significantly improve emotional health. It is essential to cultivate this practice to enhance self-compassion and reduce negative self-talk.
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