Judging others — and ourselves — is one of humanity’s oldest habits, but it’s also one of the heaviest burdens we carry. Letting go of judgment isn’t about apathy; it’s about freeing ourselves from the need to control and opening space for peace and compassion. By allowing others to walk their own path, we reclaim our energy, nurture our growth, and cultivate deeper harmony in our relationships and within ourselves. 

In This Article

• Why judgment is one of humanity’s oldest habits — and why it still controls us
• How labeling “good” and “bad” creates separation and disharmony
• Ways to reclaim your energy by focusing inward instead of outward
• How compassion differs from control — and why that matters
• Setting healthy boundaries when others try to impose their beliefs on you

Letting Go of Judgment: Finding Peace by Letting Others Be

Since the dawn of storytelling, we humans have wrestled with the same impulse: to decide what’s good and what’s evil. The very first story in Genesis warns us not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil — and yet here we are, millennia later, still biting into that apple every time we label something or someone as “bad” or “wrong.”

We’ve been told from the very beginning that there’s such a thing as good and evil. But even though the concept is ancient, one simple truth remains: everyone defines those words differently. What one person calls good, another calls bad — and vice versa. And while Jesus urged us to “judge not, that ye be not judged,” judging is something we all do constantly, often without even noticing.

The Original Separation

Every time we divide the world into categories — good movie, bad movie, good person, bad person — we’re replaying that original story from the Garden of Eden. The “knowledge of good and evil” wasn’t just about fruit. It was about separation: this versus that, us versus them. And that act of dividing reality is where disharmony begins.

We don’t just judge actions or outcomes — we judge preferences. You eat dairy, I avoid it. You smoke cigarettes, I hate them. These are simple differences, but we rarely leave them there. Instead, we decide that what we like is better, smarter, healthier, or more virtuous. Suddenly, preference turns into judgment.

I like to say: Let you be you, and let me be me! But do we actually do that? Hardly. We believe we know how others should talk, dress, eat, behave, live. Of course, the other person is doing the same — convinced they’re right and we’re wrong. And that’s how arguments, resentments, and distance creep into our relationships.

The Ripple of Judgment

Judgment doesn’t stop at individuals. It spreads outward to groups — races, religions, political parties, generations. Somehow, we become convinced that we know best not just for ourselves but for everyone else, too. Yet the truth is, we only know what’s best for one person: ourselves. And even that’s a lifelong discovery.

We can’t possibly know what’s best for another soul. They have different genes, different childhoods, different wounds, different dreams. Their life situation is not ours. How could we possibly understand what they truly need — when half the time, we barely understand our own needs?

And here’s something important: the habit of judging others almost always mirrors how we treat ourselves. The harsh voice that says “they’re doing it wrong” is the same one whispering “I’m not good enough.” As we soften toward ourselves — learning to see our choices as simply ours rather than good or bad — we naturally soften toward others, too.

The Remedy: Reclaiming Our Energy

The way out of this endless loop of judgment is surprisingly simple, though not always easy: turn inward. Shift your focus from what others are doing to what’s right for you. Every ounce of energy spent trying to fix or criticize someone else is energy stolen from your own growth and peace of mind.

Your heart already knows what’s best for you. As you peel away the layers of conditioning and inherited beliefs, your inner wisdom gets clearer. And what’s right for you isn’t automatically “good,” and what’s wrong for you isn’t automatically “bad.” It’s just yours. Some people can’t digest dairy or are allergic to peanuts. For them, those foods are “bad.” But that doesn’t make them bad for you. You are your own unique being with your own needs, preferences, and timing.

Letting Others Walk Their Own Path

Life gets a lot lighter when we release the need to decide what’s best for others. The weight of judgment is heavy — and we carry it around as if it’s our job. Imagine freeing up all that energy and using it instead to guide your own choices and nurture your own growth.

Try an experiment: spend just one hour without forming an opinion about what someone else should or shouldn’t do. It’s harder than it sounds. Like you, I have plenty of opinions about health and personal growth: greasy fried food? Bad. Sugar? Bad. Alcohol? Bad. Cigarettes? Bad. And yet, for some people, those things are comforts that help them survive the day. Until they change their life, those choices may serve a purpose we can’t see.

The Native American teaching says, “Never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.” We haven’t walked their mile. We haven’t lived their story. We are not in their shoes — we are only in our own. And the only life we are truly qualified to guide is our own.

Compassion Without Control

Now, none of this suggests becoming indifferent or uncaring. Compassion and support matter deeply. But compassion is not control. We can care, we can offer help, we can share information — but we must resist the urge to impose. If someone isn’t ready for our help, pushing it becomes meddling.

It’s a delicate balance. But when we check in with our heart — and make sure our ego isn’t running the show — we usually know the difference. Most of the time, people need to learn through their own choices, their own mistakes, their own timing. We can walk beside them, but not drag them where we think they should go.

Each one of us has free will. That means we get to make our own decisions — not make them for others. And that’s not a burden. It’s a liberation. Because when we release the need to judge or fix anyone else, we free ourselves too.

Peace in Letting Go

Peace of mind blossoms when we let people be who they are — and let ourselves become who we’re meant to be. We stop playing judge and start becoming students of our own path. We stop trying to steer other people’s journeys and start walking our own with intention and grace.

We are here to walk beside others, not to push or pull them. Love offers a hand; judgment tries to steer. And the more we trust that each soul is learning exactly what they need to learn — including ourselves — the more space we make for peace to take root, both within and around us.

When Others Try to Decide for Us

There’s one more piece to this puzzle. Letting others walk their path does not mean allowing them to walk ours for us. There are times when decisions made by others deeply affect our lives — and in those moments, judgment isn’t the issue. Boundaries are.

Sometimes political leaders create laws that attempt to impose their vision of what’s “right.” Employers may set policies that reflect their values more than ours. Even industries — like food, energy, or pharmaceuticals — may shape choices that impact our health and well-being in ways we didn’t choose. These are all forms of someone else’s version of “good and bad” trying to define our experience.

In such cases, the same principle applies, only in reverse. Just as we are called to stop imposing our views on others, we are also called to not let others impose theirs on us. Respect is a two-way street. We can honor their right to choose for themselves while firmly asserting our right to do the same.

That may mean speaking up, setting boundaries, making different choices, or working for change — always from a place of clarity rather than anger. The goal isn’t to create more division; it’s to stand rooted in our own inner truth. When we know what is truly best for us — when we’ve listened to the quiet wisdom of our heart — we are far less likely to be swept along by someone else’s idea of what our life should look like.

Free will was never meant to be surrendered. It’s a gift we each carry. Honoring others’ freedom means protecting our own. And when both are respected, judgment fades, peace deepens, and we can walk side by side — different, yet free.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

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Recommended Book:

A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life
by Jack Kornfield.

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Article Recap

Letting go of judgment is a powerful act of liberation. By releasing the need to decide what’s best for others and focusing on our own growth, we reclaim our energy and open space for compassion. Boundaries protect our freedom while honoring others’ choices. Through this balance, we cultivate peace, deepen relationships, and walk beside others — different, yet free.

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